BookLife Review: A Three Dog Life (Abigail Thomas, author) by Carol O’Day

Memoir, traumatic brain injury, loss, grief, marriage, healing power of dogs, short-term memory loss, caretaking, acceptance

Abigail Thomas is twelve years deep into her marriage when her beloved husband, Rich, is hit by a car on a Manhattan street while walking their dog late at night. Rich suffers a traumatic brain injury, damaging much of his front lobe. His injury is irreparable and permanent. He survives, but he is fundamentally altered. His injury makes him subject to intermittent psychosis, rage, aggression and violence on top of his memory loss. Much of how his newly-configured brain operates is somewhat mysterious; he is at times able to make and articulate profound connections and even almost telepathically divine and discern his wife’s current troubles or challenges.

At the time of the injury, Abigail and Rich live in an apartment on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. During his initial and prolonged hospitalizations, Abigail is by his side and a daily visitor. Initially Abigail attempts to bring Rich home to live but the nature of his injury and the unpredictability of his moods and ability to process information make home care infeasible, and dangerous for both Rich and Abby. Rich is admitted to a local TBI facility but his needs exceed the facility's ability to care for him. Rich ultimately is settled into a facility in upstate New York. Abby purchases a small home twenty minutes away. Over time she lets go of her life in New York City, sells their apartment and settles into her new existence. Eventually Abby establishes a once a week visit with Rich. Abby picks Rich up, and brings him to her home for the day. His grown daughter and granddaughter visit him there each week.

Of course, this life was nothing Abby ever imagined for herself and Rich. Her ability to adjust to these circumstances is bolstered by her beloved dog, Harry. Harry is such a comfort to her that Abby rescues two more dogs, Rosie a whippet mix, and Carolina Bones, another mutt mix. Abby discovers an unexpected symbiosis between the nature of Rich’s injury and the healing companionship of dogs. Rich’s injury requires him to live permanently in the present. Rich recognizes Abby and his daughter, and they appear to bring him joy. He is able to converse. Daily activities, dressing, moving from room to room can befuddle him. His concept of time is forever altered, and getting dressed can take minutes or hours. His past memories are largely lost to him and he is unable to contemplate the future. As a result, Abby’s visits with Rich are honed to the very present. They have tea, make a meal, hold hands, listen to birds (Rich was formerly an avid birder), and sit quietly. Frustrations arise for Rich as he struggles to retrieve thoughts or words and is unable to do so. Abby becomes adept at distraction techniques to navigate these episodes.

Abby is heartbroken each time she brings Rich back to his facility and leaves him there. But her life with her three dogs is her salvation. They teach her the value of the present moment. They are always happy to see her, all sleep by her sides on her bed, and provide structure and companionship that fill her days. They become her daily practice in remaining present in the moment, and piece by piece she is able to let go of mourning both what was past and what the present will, and will not, look like.

Tragedy has the power to strip life to its barest bones, its simplest and most essential elements. Abby loves Rich. She enjoys his company, even in his injured state. She will remain married to him. She creates a cozy home for herself and her canine companions, lets go of shoulds and coulds and would haves, reinvents her teaching practice, and finds peace and daily joy in the company of her three dogs. Her life is both nothing she ever dreamed of or imagined or wished for, and everything she needs to find her measure of contentment and joy. Her writing is brutally honest. Her grief is palpable but not dominant. Reading A Three Dog Life, a reader wonders whether she might achieve this level of equanimity and peace if faced with a tragedy of her own all the while fervently hoping she may never need to find out. Should such a situation present itself, the company of a dog may well be the best path forward.

Please support BookLife: Reviews for Readers and independent booksellers by purchasing A Three Dog Life from the BookLife shop using the Bookshop.org link below.

Purchase A Three Dog Life on Bookshop.org here.

Or, if you are an Amazon devotee, please support BookLife: Review for Readers by purchasing A Three Dog Life on Amazon, using the BookLife affiliate link here:

Purchase A Three Dog Life on Amazon.com by clicking on this link.